Radio Ham Humour – we all need a giggle!


The new amateur radio test is here.  A few changes have been made.
The new test has been designed so that the same test can be given
for all license classes.  To qualify for the advanced class of
license, all you have to do is score better on the test.  This makes
things so much simpler for M0’s.

I have included a copy of the new exam.

Please PRINT (that means no squiggly lines)

    YOUR NAME (what they call you)

    ADDRESS (where you live)

    BIRTH DATE (when you were born) ________________________________


Make a circle (one of these round things O ) around the letter of the
best answer! This is so we know what your answer to the question is!

   1. You TALK into a microphone with your _______.

      A. Hands
      B. Feet
      C. Toes
      D. Mouth
      E. Armpits

   2. When you talk into a microphone, you talk into _______.

      A. the front
      B. the back
      C. the top
      D. the bottom
      E. the wire

    3. “HEADPHONES” are worn over the ___________.

      A. Knees
      B. Eyes
      C. Toes
      D. Ears
      E. Lips

    4. What do you do with the AC line cord coming out of a power

      A. Hold it in the air to pick up signals
      B. Pull on it to start the motor
      C. Talk into the plug to get real “skip DX”
      D. Hook it to your antenna
      E. Insert the plug into a source of power

    5. A “two meter” radio is:

      A. twice as strong as a one-meter radio
      B. two one-meter radios in series
      C. a CB with two meters on the front panel
      D. a good doorstop
      E. a monoband radio

    6. A “ten-foot mast” is how long?

      A. Three meters
      B. Ten pounds
      C. Two meters
      D. Tree-top tall
      E. Same length as basketball hoop is high

    7. A “Triband antenna” is made to work on how many bands?

      A. 1
      B. 2
      C. 3
      D. 4
      E. 10

    8. The “Marconi” antenna is named after:

      A. Marconi
      B. Mantovani
      C. macaroni
      D. Dean Martin
      E. martini

    9. What colors of DIODES can you buy at a Radio Shack store?

      A. Red, blue and black
      B. Red, yellow and green
      C. Orange and brown
      D. I am color blind so this is a discriminatory question and
         I should automatically get a waiver on this question.
      E. I have no intention of ever using DIODES, so don’t care what
         color they are.

   10. What color of Milkshake can you buy at McDonalds?

      A. Red, blue and black
      B. Red, yellow and green
      C. Orange and brown
      D. I am color blind so this is a discriminatory question and
         I should get another waiver on this question. I now have two
         questions right.
      E. All the above

   11. You have just installed your new mobile rig in your vehicle
       and you are still parked at the kerb, you need to pull out
       into traffic and you are talking to another station?

      A.  You put down the mic long enough to signal that you intend
          to pull away from the kerb
      B.  You keep on talking and just pull out in traffic
      C.  You open your right rear door to signal that you want to pull
          out in traffic, while calling CQ DX on the repeater
      D.  You install a light bulb at the top of your antenna so that it
          will flash when you are talking on the radio and people will
          then know to let you out


    YOUR SIGNATURE (slap yo tag here)



    Get FOUR correct and you get an ADVANCED!!!!
    Get THREE right and you get an INTERMEDIATE!!!!
    Get TWO right and you get a FOUNDATION!!!
    Get ONE right and you get a RESIT!!!
    Get None right. Go back out in the car park and study another five
        minutes. When you are done, come back in and try again.


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